Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Delusions of grandeur

After 29 cycles, I really shouldn't be surprised. I mean, seriously.

How sophomoric does it sound to hope that it would happen - unmedicated, unplanned, and on our anniversary no less?

Sigh. I started bleeding today, on day 24 - a good 5 days early than normal.

"Normal" - that's hilarious.

You know, after all this time it still isn't any easier.

15 Comments:

At 2:53 PM, Blogger Chee Chee said...

It doesn't sound sophomoric at all. No matter how long we've been trying, we all want that thing that "just happens" to fertiles. And it's perfectly normal to feel frustated and disappointment by IF.

Take care.

 
At 4:28 PM, Anonymous Molly said...

Shit, April. Hope truly is a bitch. Sorry about that.

 
At 6:21 PM, Blogger Toni said...

Is it the stress of the move? Having never been regular myself, I have no clue what it means to come early.

I'm so sorry it happened...

 
At 7:56 PM, Blogger k #2 said...

sorry april. I don't think the pain of AF ever gets easier. Even when it feels "normal" to know it is a BFN.

Hang in there.

 
At 9:12 PM, Blogger Ova Girl said...

Sorry April. It sucks. And chee chee's right, it's not sophomoric. We always hope, we just can't help it. And those hopes get dashed and it starts all over again...

 
At 9:37 PM, Blogger mm said...

Oh, God. So, so sorry. I'm w. Chee Chee and Ova Girl... Despite my bad attitude and negative past experience, I still managed to be shocked every time IF knocks me down. Hang in there.

PS: Thanks for commenting on my blog!! I live for comments.

 
At 10:14 PM, Anonymous Jenn said...

Damn. I'm sorry hon.

 
At 10:26 PM, Anonymous Dooneybug said...

Hell, I don't think it's sophomoric. It hurts every single time.

I've been seeing your name show up recently on other blogs I read so I decided to check you out. We have two things in common: we're both in the midwest and we share the same name!

I'm gonna blog roll you! Hope the pain passes soon.

 
At 4:23 AM, Anonymous thalia said...

Without hope we'd all be sunk. It's tough, but it's the only way to get through this I think.

 
At 11:12 AM, Anonymous Jen said...

I'm so sorry, sweetie.

 
At 12:47 PM, Anonymous cluttergirl said...

Thanks for the comment over at my place. And yeah, it sounds really normal to have hope. We all have hope. That little leap of "after all this shit, wouldn't it be ironic if this time it was actually working, haha, the universe is having a joke on me, but a positive one for once. It is about time!" And then when it doesn't work, we feel like "how could I have been such an idiot to have thought it could work". But it's not idiot cuz it COULD happen. Totally could.

Yup. Been there done that a million times. With ttc, and also with every relationship I've been in. I guess we really do need to hope. But the little "up" makes the coming down with disappointment even that bit harder. I'm so sorry.

 
At 2:04 PM, Blogger Cass said...

Ugh. Unfortunately, I think it always hurts. Hope has this way of showing up even when you think you didn't invite her, and she's so nice when she's there that you let her in. And then just when you get used to her, she leaves and it sucks. Been there. Not sophomoric at all. So sorry, hon.

 
At 11:25 AM, Blogger Em said...

I'm sorry April. We all feel that hope, even if we have fertility issues that mean it is unlikely we will get pregnant naturally. It is so hard. And what's with the early periods! Mine have been erratic. It's like they are trying to taunt me.

 
At 7:49 PM, Anonymous Jill Smith-Mott said...

Sorry. We've all been there. gotten hopeful when we really should know better. But you just can't help it. Don't beat yourself up over it.

 
At 3:43 PM, Anonymous B. Mare said...

I hear ya- you are not alone in the hoping despite hope. And I am sorry.

 

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