Friday, September 02, 2005

A face with the name

Blogging for me has been incredibly cathartic. My blog became a confessional of sorts, where I could lament the failings of my body, the stress it was causing on my marriage ... and just talk about the every day mundane things that irritated me.

When I first started, I wrote under a nickname, then I branched out into my first initial. But as I got to "know" more and more of you, I brazenly decided to use our real names (still no last names, I'm not that crazy). Admittedly, it wouldn't be that hard to figure out who I really am. I've taken a risk that people who know me in real life, who I have coffee with and work with and shop with could find me. There was a time I thought it was an extreme risk, but now I realize that this - this is a part of me that I'm not ashamed of anymore. I'm not exactly willing to broadcast it to those I see on a daily basis, but it's part of who I am.

Over time, I started thinking of some of you as not just another webpage, but as a real person. Someone who I could imagine sharing our issues with over a nice glass of merlot - or just straight swigs from the tequila bottle depending on our current situation. Blogging became the grown up version of the ultimate slumber party. Over the last thirteen months or so that I've been actively blogging here, I've grown to rely on your support, on your snark, on your collective wisdom. It's an odd feeling - to find this "friendship" with people I don't really know. You may know more about the intimate details of my nether regions than some of my past lovers, but you don't know the sound of my voice, my mannerisms, my laugh. And I think about this from time to time and find it incredibly odd that I am so willing to openly spill out the most secret details of my life to you...

But I do. And it helps. I have a wonderful family - oh sure I bitch about them from time to time, but they do love me - and I know that, and I'm thankful for it. They just don't know how to deal with infertility. To be quite honest, I didn't either before I found myself here. I'm sure I was an asshat to a lot of people without intending to be - before I knew what it was like.

But you understand in ways that they can't, because you've been there. You know without having to be told.

I'm an amateur photographer, and have been mulling over posting pictures about my life... of me... of Michael ... our cats, our house... on here. I was so afraid that this would be the final thing that would "out" us to people who know us in "real life". I have another blog linked through my profile that is amazingly not infertility related that a few select people who know me in real life read occasionally.

I know that some of you have no qualms posting pictures of yourself, and I respect that. I find it interesting to put a face with the name, with your story. Some of you I know would never dream of putting pictures up. It's too scary, too risky. Grrl's post made me think about it - what if I've been right next to you at the bank, or if we grew up in the same neighborhood, or went to the same schools? Would it change the way we related to each other?

I'm in the middle camp right now - and mulling it over. So tell me, do you put pictures of yourself up on your page? Why or why not?

14 Comments:

At 12:26 PM, Blogger Sheets said...

Yep, go for it.

 
At 12:28 PM, Anonymous Molly said...

I put one pic of myself up on my birthday -- a one-shot deal -- removed it the next day.

I do post pics of my cats, house, etc.

 
At 12:29 PM, Blogger Sheets said...

Funny... to the best of my knowledge, my wife does not know I have a blog. I post pictures. Even got in volved in HNT... you'll see... and... while its not a "secret".. I'm fully expecting for someone i know to see mine... say something to her... but... ???

 
At 5:48 PM, Blogger Larisa said...

I haven't...yet. I've included pics of my pets. I've thought about it though.

 
At 6:13 PM, Blogger Kim said...

I've posted pictures of my life and my pets but not of me because I'm scared of being recognised on the street or something.

I know that anyone who knows us could easily identify us from either of our blogs, but I think the majority would be tactful enough to pretend they never saw and respect that this is obviously something I've chosen not to discuss with them for whatever reasons.

 
At 8:05 PM, Anonymous Susqa said...

I put up a pic of myself for 24 hours and immediately took it down. I generally don't put up pics because my husband is pretty much in the closet about our infertility, and I need to respect his privacy.

 
At 9:34 PM, Anonymous Jenn said...

I have my real name on my site, and my husband has his first and our last name on his. And most people in my life know of the blog even if they don't know exactly where it is. I think I've only posted one picture of me, but I would post more. I also have a link to my flickr photostream which has picture of hubby and other family.

 
At 4:04 PM, Blogger Dee said...

I went ahead and posted a picture of the wee lass after her arrival (and have been doing so ever since) and also put up one of me along the way. I figured it'd be nice for those great gals (including you) who've been there for me through so much to finally see what I look like.

I'm one of those people who likes to see what folks look like--whether or not they're as I pictured them in my mind, etc. It's neat to see if your physical perceptions of someone were accurate or not.

 
At 9:03 AM, Anonymous thalia said...

I've thought about this too. I'm staying in the closet - no pics - because I wanted to be able to write without fear of violating my husband's privacy. I needed to write about stuff that he doesn't talk about to anyone but me. In fact, if someone who knows us found the blog, they'd be pretty sure it was us, but then almost everyone I know doesn't read or write blogs, so we're pretty safe.

 
At 7:24 PM, Blogger mm said...

I haven't posted pics because I'm paranoid and just not ready to deal with the fact that the venom I spew could get back to those I write about. I do feel weird baring my soul to the internets without revealing what I look like or where I live. It just feels strange. But I do find it so much easier to relate to a fellow blogger when I know what she looks like. I guess I'm human like that!

 
At 11:08 PM, Anonymous Erin said...

I try to post a different photo of the wee fellar everytime I put up a new post. I mean, really, who am I to deny the world photos of the cutest kid, ever?

Photos of myself? Maybe if I lose 30 pounds and get my chin fixed.

 
At 1:25 AM, Anonymous Dooneybug said...

I post pictures of my home and cats, but haven't of myself. My hubby is paranoid about photos of us out there on the internet. Although I have emailed blogger friends our photo if they wanted to know...

 
At 6:59 AM, Anonymous Orodemniades said...

I'm already easy enough to find with what details I've put on my blog.

 
At 12:41 PM, Blogger MsPrufrock said...

I've put pictures of my bird and of places around where I live, but none of myself. I did ponder putting a picture of my cleavage on there, which says a lot about me really...I'll show people my cleavage, but not my face!

I'm always curious about other bloggers though. I get really excited when they put photos of themselves on their blogs.

 

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