Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Tra lala alla lalalaaaaaaaaaa

I'm going to a special showing of Madama Butterfly this evening with my husband. While I was thoroughly impressed that he knew the story line, M's not exactly happy about going. I mean, after all, it is opera. To be honest, I'm not that huge of a fan either, but I just want the distraction... the willing suspension of disbelief. Just not thinking. Not hurting.

Today, I received a random email from my ex husband. Every time I hear from him the wound just gets ripped open again. His son is 17 mos. old. He and his wife are planning another one soon. He asked when M. and I would finally have one.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to hurl things in my office. I wanted to scratch out my eyes.

Sigh.

I still don't understand. Why wasn't I good enough? Why is she?

I just want M. and I to have the happiness of hearing the patter of little feet. I want us to have to clean sticky jam handprints off the refrigerator and sing lullabies and kiss skinned knees.

You know. Perhaps Madama Butterfly wasn't the best option for the evening's entertainment.

7 Comments:

At 8:26 PM, Blogger Toni said...

I am so sorry dear. I wish there was some answer that would make the pain not as harsh.

I had the same conversation with my hubby on Sunday. Why do we have to go through IVF when everyone else in my family gets pregnant by thinking about it? Why us? There is no real answer. You just have to accept it and continue trying.

I'm hear if you need to chat.

 
At 11:46 PM, Blogger Lee Anne said...

Wow...not a great opera to start out with in my opinion. I have been coming to read your blog for a while and felt I needed to post today for some reason. I guess the oepra part got me - I'm a trained opera singer so those kinds of things stand out to me. :)

I am looking at trying to start a family in a year or so and have had a lot of female problems over the years. Everyone's reaction is always "I am sure it will be fine, they have so much technology these days." I want to scream at them and say "do you know what I have been through already?" I guess half of me is scared to even start trying.

I wish you all the best and hope you had a wonderful time at the opera.

 
At 6:54 PM, Blogger Lia said...

I just found your blog and wanted to say, well, all those things that words can never really do justice. You're not alone. I love e.e.cummings too. I know how much it sucks to have a 25 day cycle hit you out of nowhere. I also know how much it sucks to have a 70 day cycle hit you out of nowhere. I hope...for everything you hope for, for both of us.

I'll be reading.

 
At 6:57 PM, Blogger Lia said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 11:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should consult your financial advisor.

 
At 11:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just touch it, i wil feel better if you just touch it, oh, and call me Donny.

 
At 11:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just touch it, you will feel better if you just touch it, oh, and call me Donny.

 

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