Monday, November 01, 2004

Comfortably Numb

Hello.

Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
-------------------------------
The summary: Trick 1 Treat 0.

Well, my blasted period started last night, meaning that I had a 24 day cycle. WTF? I understand that it was an unmedicated cycle, but jumping jesus on a pogo stick how ridiculous can this get? I've never had a cycle this short.

I'm not really that verklempt, just sort of dumbfounded. The worst part is, I feel incredibly lonely and lost. I feel like it's never going to happen for us. And angry. Mostly angry, partially defective. But, mostly angry.

A friend was over last night, and M. and I were talking about different houses we've looked at , and she innocently commented that we need to find something that's at least 4 bedrooms, to provide for the nursery/kids rooms. I just snorted... "what for? It's not like we're going to ever have kids." And in my heart, I'm starting to believe it.

If you read my paltry little blog, and can look past my blatant Pink Floyd and Dead Milkmen references, I would really appreciate just a "nod." Tell me what you listen to, how you distract yourself when you're pissed off. Tell me a joke, make me laugh. I'm feeling really alone. And that's my deepest, darkest fear... being alone. It's my own personal version of hell.

15 Comments:

At 2:54 PM, Blogger JJ said...

I'm here, nodding, dumbfounded, lonely, lost and angry just like you.

I listen to loud teenage angsty music when I'm in the wallowing mood. Music from 10 years ago that do nothing but spead a smile on my face when I want to forget it all.

I feel alone all the time. I'm scared of it too.

You are not alone.

 
At 4:55 PM, Blogger Julie said...

What did the 0 say to the 8?

"Nice belt."

I'm sorry you're feeling lousy. I'm sorry you're feeling alone. We're here and we're listening, for whatever good that does -- I know it helps me an awful lot, and I hope it does the same for you.

 
At 7:59 PM, Blogger Stacy said...

You're not alone. I know how your feeling. I have been there myself (and will probably be there again). Infertility can make me feel like such a failure and so useless. I am sorry the witch found you and so early.

I know this isnt what you mean but in regard to what I listen too...an Anji relaxation CD for infertility. No, really. Its for relaxtion and stress reduction. Now I can hear you laughing. Well at least it got a smile out of you.

 
At 8:21 PM, Blogger Stacy said...

For a better laugh...

One ovary says to the other ovarie, "Hey, did you order any furniture?"
The other ovarie says, "No, why?"
"There are a couple of nuts outside trying to shove an organ in."

 
At 4:00 AM, Blogger Kath said...

As for Af coudl it be
Trick 2: Treat 0?

I listent to George and read my book when feeling crap.

 
At 7:38 AM, Blogger Dee said...

I was going to post a joke but it's political and I don't want to offend you if you're on the 'team' the joke derides.

But I am here, listening and nodding along in agreement with so much of what you say. I've had a couple really short cycles that made me ask "WTF?" too so you're not alone in that regard either.

I'm really sorry it all has to be so effing hard.
Lately I find my salvation in all of this is to try to laugh as much as possible (and no, I don't mean the maniacal laughter of someone who is losing her mind). I listen to a nationally syndicated morning radio show (on 98.7 FM here but I don't think you get that down by you) called the Bob & Tom show. Most of their guests are comedians and it's good for taking my mind off things. We've also been going to the Improv a few times here and there to just take our minds off everything else, to sit around laughing and feeling normal--especially since there are no children or babies whatsoever!

I hope you find something to take your mind off of matters for even a few minutes.

And know that you're not alone...not at all.

 
At 12:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm here. I understand perfectly. I'm waiting for AF myself after my first IUI. Spent a gizzillion dollars on pee sticks, and have yet to see that elusive second line. I even peed on a stick when I knew the hcg shot was still in me just so I could see what the second line even looked like. How pathetic is that? Oh, and I had to host a work baby shower yesterday. I think there are more of us than society will admit to, and that it's like a secret "Skull and Bones" club..... but because we don't know who the other members are, we often feel so alone. Just remember, every 6th person you meet is probably part of the club..... I read your blog and some other blogs EVERY day to make me feel less alone. You are not alone. Yellowgirl

 
At 7:15 PM, Blogger Toni said...

I like Stacy's joke. I second that one.

You're not alone, dear girl. We all feel like that. Keep up the hope...I'm hoping for you.

 
At 1:33 PM, Blogger ME said...

OH MY GOD! 'jumping jesus on a pogo stick'....BAHAHAHAAAA I'm frickin' cryin' here......

I'm sorry you're feeling lousy, all I can do is send my best wishes and hope to hell things get better.

 
At 1:36 PM, Blogger ME said...

OH MY GOD! 'jumping jesus on a pogo stick'....BAHAHAHAAAA I'm frickin' cryin' here......

I'm sorry you're feeling lousy, all I can do is send my best wishes and hope to hell things get better.

OH and ps--did you see the stupid car commercial where the guy says, 'Why is 6 afraid of 7?....because 7 8 9...' I know it's lame but I laughed my as off the first time I saw it...not only that but it is the first time as 'boss' the guy gets his butt kissed...funny commercial....they're better than actual tv shows. Don't get me started, don't EVEN get me started.....I like the same kind of music you do, by the way...

 
At 1:37 PM, Blogger ME said...

OOPS, my post is on there 2-wice....sorry, you might wanna delete the first one....

 
At 2:34 PM, Blogger Kris said...

FUCK!!!

Ok, lets try this again.

NOD!!!!

I know I'm a bit late, but I read every day, I just don't respond very well.

As to the word at the top of the page, sorry, I had this super long response typed to you, and somehow it all selected and deleted. Joy.

I should respond better, as I feel all alone when I get no comments. Actually I feel all alone pretty much 24/7.

Sad.

Hmmm, trying to think of a joke. I know nothing. I have the nastiest grosses joke I ever heard told by my aunt going on in my head, but its bound to offend, so I shouldn't say it.

Ta ta.

Kris
Brokenornot

 
At 8:44 AM, Blogger NSR said...

You're not alone. This is all just so frustrating.

 
At 6:21 PM, Blogger Barren Mare said...

A little late in commenting, too.

I am always reading- not always commenting, because the amount of reading I do every day is vast, and sometimes I just nod my head, and move on without speaking. But rest assured, I am here with you.

 
At 7:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're most certainly not alone. I have the same fear, my blog just drips of it.

Well, as for me, honey I crank up the Janis, as in Joplin thank you very much because I feel like screaming and she does it so much better than me.

Emily
scrambledeggs

 

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