When all is revealed by sadistic dental hygenists

Most people hate the dentist, but not me. No I'm one of those sickos that if I could have our insurance pay for a monthly cleaning, I would. I literally sit and suck on my teeth all day after they have been nice and cleaned. It's wonderful.... it feels so good. However, this time, I was assaulted by perhaps the most sadistic dental hygenist ever, who took great delight in making sure I was squiriming in the chair... writhing in pain. But the best (or worst) part - my conversation with her.

SDH (sadistic dental hygenist): So, has anything changed since your last visit medically?
A: Uh, no.
SDH: Open and say ahhh.
A: ahhhh.
SDH: Wow... you sure you aren't telling me that anything has changed?
A: (thinking to self - shit - have I contracted some sort of terrible mouth fungus? Do I have pulsating algae growing on my teeth? I did brush before I came here, right? Even flossed, I think. Wait, did I?) Uh.. no, nothing's changed.
SDH: (giggle) are you pregnant?
A: uh. no. pretty definite on that one (thinking, wow, these pants do make me look fat. CD 28, and a big snowy white FRE HPT this morning make me pretty sure that it's a resounding no.)
SDH: I wouldn't be so sure... you have "pregnant mouth"
A: No, seriously, o.k. I'm not.
SDH: We'll just have to see now won't we? You have "pregnant mouth"... I know.
A: No, my gums are just pissed off, like the rest of me.

And on the way home I cursed this woman, for giving me uncalled for hopeful thoughts. I cursed her because I wanted to believe that I had "pink in the sink" this past week because I have some sort of horrible mutating genetic disorder, not because I might be *GASP* knocked up.

So today, on CD 29, I sit pensively waiting...