20 cycles and counting...

Last night, I was cleaning under the bed, which - by all accounts is a frightening endeavor in a house with 2 long-haired 20 pound cats. I found a christmas card from my dear friend Heather stuck to the underside of the luggage I keep there. Inside, she asked how the baby making was going - and I smiled, but then I realized... that was a YEAR ago. M. just laughed. As he said - "we've had a productive, just not a reproductive year."

Over the last 20 cycles, I have seen some mild fluctuation. My cycles have ranged from 26 days to a fluke cycle of 37 days (which was a chemical pregnancy - with alternating positive and negative HPTs), but average out at 29.63 days long, not counting this month. (In reverse order = 34(?), 27, 31, 31, 26, 32, 31, 31, 31, 29, 28, 28, 28, 28, 37, 28, 28, 30, 32, 27). A lot of the longer months I credit Clomid with lenghtening my cycle.

So I know that I shouldn't be excited about today. Today is day 34, on a completely unmedicated cycle, and I don't have any honest idea as to when, or if, I ovulated this month. And if it was on a "normal" schedule, then I certainly would not be pregnant, as we didn't have sex anywhere near the "right time" for that. But I don't know what to say, am I late? Where the hell is my period?

M. and I were actually hoping that I wouldn't be pregnant this month. Our lease is up in August, which is when I would be due -if *hypothetically* I was pregnant. Aside from the fact that we drank quite a bit over the Thanksgiving holiday, I'm not exactly hoping that I am knocked up. (Did I really just type that with a straight face? Am I trying to convince you - so you don't think ill of me for my bad judgment, or am I trying to convince myself?)

But it's day 34. Other than the chemical, I've never been this "late". I haven't had any cramps to speak of... which I am normally nearly incapacitated with prior to the onset. I took a pregnancy test on Day 28 which was negative. But that's been six days ago now.

What is going on?

So for your viewing pleasure, a "what the fuck" haiku...

Sigh. Day Thirty-Four.
I need an answer quickly.
Sanity at risk.