Monday, March 28, 2005

The rug has slipped from beneath me.

Apparently, I misread his cues. When he was looking with me - and ooing and ahhhhing over houses and real estate listings - he didn't mean it. When he was with me at Thanksgiving -scoping out neighborhoods - talking about how great the houses were and how much fun it was to live there - I should have known that it was only to placate me. When he was helping me investigate firms, and telling me the things to say to impress them - I should have seen that it was an unacceptable option. He didn't really want it. I should have somehow divined that he did not want to move. He would not be happy if we moved. It was simply not an option. Not now. Not ever. Definitely not there.

Last night an ultimatum was dangled. And then he simply quit talking to me - four hours of complete silence. He refuses to talk about it because there is simply nothing to say.

How silly of me. I feel like volumes could be discussed.

I certainly think he's entitled to his beliefs - and his happiness. So please don't judge or chastise him for that. Chastise me if you must place blame somewhere.

I must now contact each of these employers and let them know that I have to withdraw my resume. I have no idea how to diplomatically say "thanks - I am sorry for wasting your time, but you see I truly have no intention of moving there." I feel so mortified from a professional standpoint.

I've been avoiding their calls - and as it turns out - my best friend just got called for one of the jobs. I hope for her sake that she gets it. At least then I will feel a little less guilty.

But if anyone has some advice - I'd love to hear it. As I'm having a craptactular day.

So it looks like I will be here indefinitely. Happiness be damned.

Infertility has made me nothing if not incredibly bitter.


At 11:00 PM, Anonymous Jenn said...

No advice, just *hugs*

At 8:19 AM, Blogger Emma said...

I've no advice either, sorry.

Huge hugs for you as well though... It's so strange that he's changed his mind this quickly, or not let you know what his mind was to begin with. Men!

At 1:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. I hope you get what you need. I wish your husband could have given it to you!


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