Thursday, January 19, 2006

Counting the days.

Thanks for all the very considerate and touching comments a lot of you made on the last post. I know Granny didn't mean to hurt me, she and I have had a very close relationship for a long time - as she raised me essentially on her own from the time I was 12 until I left for college a month after turning 16. Her home was my home until I married the first time. I know she's frustrated with how much this hurts me, and I know her illness prevents her from articulating those fears and anger in a way that I think is appropriate. I love her, which is part of what made the hurt so unbearable. It's nice to have people "get it" - and even for those that commented who couldn't exactly understand because they aren't in our particular predicament, thank you for your empathy. It helped ease the hurt quite a bit.

I forgot how irritating it is to be on progesterone, although I have to say that only taking half the dose orally has helped alleviate a lot of the rather unfortunate symptoms I had before. I finally managed to get in for my progesterone blood work yesterday - on cycle day 22. The fuck? How is it that time has gone by so quickly? Of course, by this time in the last injectible/IUI cycle I had already started to bleed for two days, so I'm not holding out much hope. But, I've been on progesterone for 9 days as of today, and so far not even spotting- so that's good, I guess.

I keep waking up in the middle of the night, often frightened from the whacked out crazy ass dreams I've been having. Usually a heavy sleeper, I wake up at least three to four times a night now - which is pretty damn irritating. Once I'm up, inevitably Michael starts to snore. It's like he's taunting me. And as of late, it's not been just a normal snore. Poor thing is still sick, and it's the kind of snore you need those giant earmuff looking protective earwear things that airline workers wear while they're guiding the planes on the ground during taxiing. [Is taxiing a word? It looks wrong, but if it's not a word, I just made it one.] It's so loud that he woke himself up two days ago and asked what in the world that awful noise was. *snicker* Or Alex (our 22 pound cat who sleeps on the bed) starts to snore, and to be honest, sometimes Alex is just as loud as Michael. And it's either get up and sleep in the other bedroom or strangle him, or the cat, or both... and well, orange jumpsuits don't really flatter my figure I'm afraid.

As a result, I've resorted to sleeping in the guest bedroom with the door closed.

I keep waking up without any clothes on, drenched with sweat. There was a time in my life that this meant I had likely had too much fun, of the variety you don't discuss with your parents. Unfortunately it's not the case now, I don't remember being this hot ever in my life... and all I can say is dear God it's going to be awful to be going through menopause. I guess I'm just getting so hot that I strip my clothes off in the middle of the night, as I usually find them in a damp heap on the floor next to my side of the bed.

And thankfully, the heating vent in the guest room is closed off, so the sheets there are cold.

I've had light cramps for the last two days, but not exactly like pms type cramps. Duller and more achy. It's difficult to explain. I'm not expecting to be pregnant, I don't think I'm pregnant, and I know that the progesterone is causing this crap... which makes it suck more I think.

Our mortgage was approved yesterday morning (sort of a surprise to me, as I didn't think that we'd be able to qualify for such a hefty chunk of change) and we signed all the loan paperwork today. It's nice to have that part done. We will close on the house the last day of this month. It's a little irritating because the house is actually in a different state than where we live now, even though it's maybe 10-15 minutes away, so we'll have to re-register the cars, get new driver's licenses, etc. etc.

Remember back last fall, when we planted close to 1,000 bulbs around our current abode? Yeah. About that. Not such a good move on my part. I'm leaving part of them, and I'm going to try to transplant some others this weekend into the new house's gardens. Who knows if it'll work, as it's supposed to be a record high today, and then snow tomorrow. As long as the ground isn't frozen, I'm going to give it a shot.

And of course, maybe a month ago I finally got rid of all the moving boxes from the basement.

Beta is on Tuesday, if I make it that long. A week from then, we close on the house.

It's no surprise that I've developed a nervous tick like Tweak from South Park.


At 10:05 AM, Anonymous Leggy said...

Okay, I know you are trying to protect yourself and not get too excited, but a) having whacked out dreams and b) waking up sweating at night are 2 symptoms I only have when I'm PG. Other early pregnancy symptoms for me include: highly sensitive sense of smell- cleaning products make me want to gag, I can smell garbage a mile away, etc. Plus the usual- darker nipples, darker pee, sore boobs, queasiness.

I'm so hoping these symptoms mean something for you.

At 10:32 AM, Blogger Kellie said...

Congratulations on obtaining the mortgage! That's great news.

Keeping my fingers crossed that you make it to your beta.

At 10:35 AM, Anonymous Alexa said...

It seems so unfair that progesterone supplementation results in pregnancy symptoms--aren't we driven crazy enough?
Either way, though, the night sweats are the WORST. I had those with my last pregnancy, and it was perhaps my most hated symptom. I kept a fan and an extra blanket by my bed--the fan to cool off, the extra blanket to spread over the damp sheets so I didn't have to go back to sleep on them.
Moving and a two week wait at once--it is no wonder you have a nervous tic. I get one just reading about it...

At 10:56 AM, Blogger DD said...

I learned a valuable lesson from this past IVF. I assumed I would know DAYS before my beta if I was pg or not because they signs would've been there. not true. It's the P4.

(Ok, I'm hoping it's not just the P4 and that you are showing early symptoms!)

At 11:10 AM, Blogger Ms. Pants said...

Here come the Underpants Gnomes!

At 11:18 AM, Anonymous Leggy said...

Just re-reading my comment. I hope it didn't come off as insensitive assvice-y baby dust. I agree with DD- you just have no clue sometimes. I will say that I've been on progesterone half a dozen times for mock cycles, etc, but the only times I've had *those* symptoms were the times when things actually worked. Anyway, I'm just so hoping this works for you. I know its hard and scary for you to be hopeful, but know that there is a lot of hope out here on the Internets for you.

At 11:33 AM, Blogger Liz said...

Congrats on the mortgage approval. Sorry to hear about the progesterone side effects...they can be unbearable and truly play mind games on us. Hoping this is it for you!

At 11:49 AM, Blogger Cricket said...

That is so exciting about the mortgage. Lots of changes coming up.

Night sweats are the worst, regardless of the cause. I hate when sleep becomes an impossible commodity.

At 12:51 PM, Blogger Lindy said...

It all sounds so promising! And I'm so excited for you to move into the new house.

At 2:11 PM, Anonymous thalia said...

Fantastic news about the move, although I hate the idea of leavign those bulbs. If you wait you could use it as a great selling point when they bloom!

HOping that the next few days are good ones.

At 9:12 PM, Anonymous Lori said...

A bummer about leaving the bulbs but if they haven't bloomed by the time you sell - just think of the lovely surprise the new owners will have.
Glad you don't have to put up with the icky progesterone side effects though the pregnancy like side effects are no doubt maddening.
Great news about making it this far with no spotting!

At 11:44 PM, Blogger moo said...

1000 bulbs. I can relate. I am a gardening freak. i would be out there digging my ass off. :)

Hope the symptoms are pg-related. hang in there!

At 10:17 AM, Blogger Sunny Jenny said...

Congratulations on the mortgage! I'd take those bulbs with me too!

At 10:46 AM, Blogger Nico said...

I'm so glad that your LP seems to be better behaved this time around!

I planted a ton of bulbs one year in late November (which in New England is pretty damn cold) and they came up just fine the next year. So hopefully whatever you decide to transplant will make it!

At 10:00 PM, Blogger Vacant Uterus said...

Okay, now imagine that snoring every night for the rest of your life and you don't even HAVE a guest bedroom. Welcome to my life. I haven't had a good night's sleep since I got married.

I'm crossing/praying that these wierd symptoms mean something good. Either pregnancy or some really hot, middle-of-the-night sex.


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