Saturday, January 21, 2006

Well, I won't have to worry about the paint fumes...

CD1.

Upping the progesterone did a whole lotta nothing. 10 days post IUI is as long as I lasted this time.

I'm honestly not upset. There comes a point where you sort of become numb to it all. There comes a point where it just seems like it's never going to happen. And in a way, I wish I had the ability to still cry about it. It would feel, in some ways more normal I think.

We're moving on to IVF in May. I'm not sure if we'll bother with another IUI. Since I can't get past a 10 day luteal phase on 600 mg. of prometrium, I'm worried the IVF will be for naught. What good is it to put in great embryos if they don't have the ability to implant before the endometrium dissolves around them? Maybe the PIO will finally be enough. Maybe next time it will be different.

I wish I didn't feel so broken. I wish that my body would just cooperate with the meds.

I just wish there weren't so many maybes. So many doubts.

You play the hand you're dealt I suppose.

I just wish the cards could have been shuffled a bit better this time.

30 Comments:

At 12:43 PM, Blogger daysgoby said...

I hope the IVF cards are from a new deck.

Hugs to you.

 
At 12:56 PM, Blogger Lindy said...

Oh, April. I'm just so sorry. But IVF is a whole new ballgame.

 
At 12:59 PM, Blogger Cricket said...

Sorry about the CD1. I agree, May feels far away. You'll definitely have enough to keep you busy, although other busyness would be preferred.

 
At 1:24 PM, Blogger MsPrufrock said...

I'm sorry...I hit the numbness stage after IUI 2. Though May feels far away, in the land of IF time sometimes moves a bit faster. I hope it does for you. As Lindy says, IVF is completely different territory.

 
At 1:34 PM, Anonymous wessel said...

I'm sorry. What a sh*** deal. I hope that the PIO will do a better job for you. But I'm sorry it has come to IVF. None of us really wants to graduate on up the ladder of fertility treatments.

 
At 1:38 PM, Blogger Summer said...

Oh no, April! I am in shock...just shocked. I was so hoping it worked this time.

Yes, I second daysgoby. Throw out the old deck of cards and grab a new one.

 
At 2:15 PM, Blogger Emma B. said...

Oh, April, I hate that for you. Thinking about you, and hoping that the PIO will work out better for you on your IVF cycle.

 
At 2:26 PM, Anonymous caroline said...

damn...I'm sorry.

 
At 2:33 PM, Blogger DD said...

Read the first line and just said "oh, shit!"

I wish I could say something else but I was just so hoping so much.

"Oh, shit" just doesn't sum up how disappointed I am for you.

 
At 3:27 PM, Blogger Donna said...

I agree with Wessel, this is not a graduation you want, but it is a whole new game. This is all so unfair, April.

 
At 4:12 PM, Anonymous thalia said...

Sorry april this just sucks. I know that no matter how prepared you are it still hurts when the bleeding starts. I'm at my wits end on the progesterone, too. Let's hope that PIO is the charm for both of us.

 
At 4:30 PM, Blogger Blue said...

Damn! I am so sorry.
You may have mentioned and I don't remember if your doctors have investigated the luteal phase defect. Any thoughts on B6 to help lengthen the LP? I can't say for sure it is what helped me with the spotting before AF but that is the only thing that I changed and the spotting went away. Just wanted to pass along the idea.
Thinking of you and hoping the home improvements and moving will make the time just fly by so you will be nice and settled in by IVF time.

 
At 5:11 PM, Anonymous Alexa said...

April, I am so, so sorry. I wanted this to work for you.
I am hoping IVF is indeed an entirely more successful experience, and that the time until that cycle goes by quickly for you. You will be in my thoughts this weekend.

 
At 5:43 PM, Anonymous pixi said...

Oh, April. I stopped in today to check on you, and I am so sorry to find this crummy news. I so wish it had turned out differently. I hope at least, that you're feeling better physically (no more of those nasty cramps).

The maybes are awful, for sure. I hope you get real answers and real solutions next time around.

You're in my thoughts.

 
At 9:06 PM, Blogger chris said...

Crap.

I'm sorry.

 
At 9:39 PM, Anonymous Lori said...

I'm so sorry. I hope the PIO does the trick and IVF works.
Thinking of you.

 
At 12:34 AM, Anonymous Manuela said...

I am just so sorry.... it's just a crap day all around here in Infertilia....

 
At 11:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, so sorry...

Patti
http://redvelvetcake.typepad.com/maternal_instinct

 
At 3:58 PM, Anonymous Jenn said...

I'm sorry hon :(

 
At 5:50 PM, Blogger Sunny Jenny said...

So sorry to hear your news. You're in my thougths.

 
At 9:16 PM, Blogger Vacant Uterus said...

Echoing all the "sorrys." Hugs.

 
At 11:50 PM, Anonymous mm said...

Oh fucking fuck. I'm just so sorry.

 
At 3:01 AM, Blogger Stephanie G said...

:-( Nothin' I can say to help. Nothin' at all. So, So, sorry....

 
At 9:12 AM, Blogger ankaisa said...

Oh no. I just hope the pain does not hit you after a while. I hope the IVF is what makes the difference

 
At 9:56 AM, Blogger Ms. Pants said...

Oh sweetie. I'm so sorry. Much of this doesn't make sense to me as you know, but I got the general message of it and I'm sending you big hugs. xox

 
At 11:12 AM, Blogger Nico said...

I'm so, so sorry. The Crimson Bitch SUCKS! I do think that the PIO instead of suppositories will make a difference... If only we could just hibernate during all the time we have to wait!

 
At 11:32 AM, Anonymous Leggy said...

Damn April- I'm so sorry. I was really hopeful that this would be the cycle that worked for you. I've been feeling depressed about the state of IF blogland lately and I was hoping you'd be one of the ones that would pull through this cycle. Ugh!

I hope IVF works for you and that PIO gives your luteal phase a kick in the a**.

I'm sorry...

 
At 12:50 PM, Blogger deanna said...

Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry.

IVF really is a whole new adventure, though, so this whole story may turn out completely different. I'm really hoping for you that it does. *hugs*

 
At 1:40 PM, Anonymous Jen said...

I'm so sorry, sweetie. Just a thought, which you can take as you will--have you considered one IUI with PIO before moving on to IVF?

I will say that I had consistently low progesterone, even with supplementation, and I'm convinced that the PIO as part of IVF was vital to the success of the pregnancy--so if it comes to that, I think you'll be in good shape. Best of luck, sweetie.

 
At 1:42 PM, Anonymous Molly said...

Shit. So sorry, April.

Per Jenn, hopefully the PIO will do the trick for you.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home