Humbled

Although, in all honesty, it seems like now is not the right time for us to continue with actively ttc (due to the more than likely move), it still breaks my heart a little when I realize that we are still waiting. When we had a wild spontaneous romp yesterday morning, I felt almost ridiculous as I thought to myself - well - I hope it didn't happen this time. It's been a long time since I've wished that.

I've been reluctant to read a lot of blogs lately, and ashamed to admit that it was in large part due to jealousy on my part. Women who I haven't checked in on in a long time were posting pictures of round bellies and gushing over sonograms. Lovely people were talking about lupron shots and counting days to retrieval. Others were evaulating their home study and happily gushing about their referrals.

And then there's us. We're still here, still waiting. Watching the grass grow, thinking about what it might be like at some point to be parents. And it looks like we will be in this strange holding place for the indefinite future. For those of you who have asked, we are not going to be going on "birth control" as to be quite honest, it doesn't seem like we uh, really have much need for it. Of course, this inevitably means that I'll end up knocked up. Yeah, just relax and all.

This weekend, I was beginning the dreadful project of cleaning out the closets to start packing away items we don't use often. Nestled in the very back of my closet in the guest bedroom I found a stash of baby items I was lovingly setting aside. Tiny little mementos that really have no monetary value - but which have a significant place in my heart. There were bottles of formula there (while I intend to breastfeed, I was holding it "just in case"). Random diaper samples that have been sent to me for the last two years, as the companies assume my non-existent baby has grown and matured and has now been potty trained.

The formula is about to expire. I need to forward it to someone who has a child. Someone who needs it. Because I certainly don't.

Solicitation

No, not of the prostitution variety. I need your advice.

So, I interviewed in the "new city" on Friday and was offered a job on Tuesday. A great job, but still at a substantial pay cut from my current salary (but it's just so much cheaper to live there). We're working through making a decision on it.

So, today my period starts. No surprise there. I'm used to it. After charting for 26 cycles, I'm beginning to think that pregnancy for me will be the next immaculate conception, because this whole "sex makes baby" thing is a myth. A complete myth propogated by teenagers and crack whores. It's just an urban legend, I promise. Have all the unprotected sex you want, you will not get pregnant. An STD, perhaps, a baby- no.

Anyway, new firm has three months full paid maternity leave (woo!) and an additional month of maternity leave at half pay (holy fucking woo!). Much better than my current firm's policy of 6 weeks (which was 3 months, but I realized today has been cut to basically nothing). However, I am not sure if the leave is available until after you have been with the firm for a full year. I asked about it and am awaiting a response.

So my question is this. They have insurance through Blue Cross Blue Shield either through a PPO or HMO arrangement. We already know we are going to have issues and will likely need medical assistance. My current employer's policy covers infertility up to $10,000. How do I ask for information about the new firm's coverages without specifically giving them the heads up that guess what - my hooha's broken?!?!?

Any ideas or advice?

And yes, Paris was great. I actually enjoyed Amsterdam more, but I've just been too damn busy to report on what happened. But lots of soft cheese and wine was imbibed in. Just to let you know how busy I've been, I'm still not unpacked!