I'm really not sure...

how this day could possibly get any fucking worse, but I'm sure it will find a way.

Today you can piss right the fuck off.

xox,

A

Inked.

My left hip.

Here's a pic of the new work. It's a redacted part of the "O" from the Swedish band Opeth. I loved the design, but only wanted this portion. It swells over my left hip and is about 6 or 7 inches long and about 3 inches high at the widest point. You can't really see the detailing in this pic because of the angle, but hey...

It itches like crazy now, but I love it. Absolutely love it.

Michael thinks I'm having a mid life crisis.

Not so much.

45 minutes of sleep in two days is not working for me.

At all.

This doesn't hurt nearly as bad as shooting up...

So, after work today I got a tattoo on my left hip (pics forthcoming) it's about 6-7 inches long and about 3 inches wide at the widest point. A guy named Steven is doing it for me, and as he's about to start, I'm nervous as hell. Shaking nervous. It's my first, and it's something I've been debating for nearly four years. My best friend is sitting with me, camera in hand, trying to calm me down. As I've just come from work... I'm still wearing work clothes - which as an attorney means I look a bit of an anomaly in the shop.

Steven (tattoo guy): You know, I won't like, this is going to hurt. If it's too much let me know, and I'll back off and we can do it a little at a time.

April: (nervous as hell - so imagine shaky voice) o.k. will do.

[twenty minutes into it]

Steven: O.k - am I hurting you too much?

[Thinking to myself, you know the Follistim and the HCG shot was a thousand times worse]

April: No. not at all. It's actually hurts a hell of a lot less than shooting up at home.

Steven: Um... Um... um...

The void

Recently, a close friend sent me a snippet of a home video from their childhood. Their family sat together at the table, the children laughing, wiggling in their seats. The closeness and intimacy was palpable. I could have reached out and touched it, it was so real. And as moving as it was, I felt intrusive, as if I had no right to watch. I've never had that intimacy... that overwhelming love, that closeness. The tears stung hot and heavy.

Over dinner this weekend, I was engrossed into a conversation about why I want children. Why more than being a good attorney, being a good friend - or wife, I've always wanted at the very core of my being to be remembered as a good mom. Oh sure, there's the argument that it would be a pity not to pass my wickedly amazing good looks or bizarre sense of humor on to another generation. (And that's a joke, seriously - though I was a pretty cute kid if I do say so myself). And hey, with hips like these, it seems almost a waste not to use them to balance a child on. And true, I'd like for someone to take care of me in my old age, but I suppose I could afford to hire someone out for that if need be. But it's honestly, for the everyday small simple reasons. It's for the memories of kissed skinned knees, of crayon scrawled puppies on the 'frig. It's for the sound of a baby's laughter gurgling through the house. It's for first baths, first steps, first school days, first loves. It's for the sweet warm scent of a baby's head. The sight of a tiny hand reaching to me for comfort. It's about a need to feel as if I can make the world a better place, if only through my own children. It's about teaching someone about love, about life, about happiness. About living, loving with my heart outside of my body.

It's about passing down stories and pieces of my family. Of Granny's fiery redheaded temper. Of Emma (my other great grandmother's) broad Native American cheekbones and my father's quirky facial expressions. It's about my freakishly long toes, my laugh. It's about having a home... being willing to give up everything, including my own life for another. It's about all of that, and more.

Akeeyu posted something so moving back in November of 2004 that it has always remained with me, since... tugging at my heart. Go on, read it. I'll wait. That's why. Because I have a history, and my fear will be that there will be no one to listen. No one to pass it along to.

As of late, I am full of fear that this void will never be filled. That I will never have the chance to say any of this - the most heartwrenching post I've ever written, and the one that has always stayed with me. That I will always want for this intimacy that others have... and it's breaking my heart.

George MASON?

You've got to be kidding me. George Mason just beat UConn? Billy Packer and Jim Nance were wrong I guess about GM not being "good enough" to be in...

What?!?!?!?!?!?!? An eleven seed is headed to the final four? An ELEVEN? This hasn't happened since LSU back in like '86.

Considering I had Duke and UConn picked for the final game, um. It's a good thing I guess that I'm not the big betting type.

(I'm a bit of a sports fan, in case you didn't know.)

Pretty soon I'll be wearing pink and bows in my hair...

Upon first meeting me, most people assume that I'm a very high maintenance type of girl. This always puzzles me, as I'm much more the "let's grab a cooler of beer and some bait and just spend the day casting lines into the water" than I am the type to spend hours getting dolled up. I hated living in Miami's "seen and be seen" lifestyle. I don't care whose names you can drop - it doesn't impress me. I'm not a label whore, and would never be caught dead wearing one of the god awful (in my humble opinion) purses or bags or shoes emblazoned all over with a company's logo. I'm just as apt to shop a high end department store as I am in a thrift store (I'm quite partial to 1940s style clothes and shoes - as they actually fit women with real breasts and hips). I don't wear perfume. My jewelry usually consists of a pair of plain diamond or pearl stud earrings - and nothing more.

There are probably a lot of things about me that surprise people when we first meet. I'm terminally shy, for example. Being a redhead exacerbates this as I'm prone to full body blushes and am incredibly easily embarrassed. Once I feel comfortable with someone (which isn't typically a quick process) - I open up very slowly and let my reserved guard down. To be honest, while I've got a great circle of acquaintances, there are very few people that I truly call my friends. If you're one of them, you know it - and you understand why. It takes an enormous amount of courage for me to allow myself to be vulnerable, and it's not a risk I take with many.

I'm a pretty low key person, and I'm much more comfortable in a little local dive bar where everyone knows what you drink, who you're with and what's going on in your life without you even opening your mouth than I am in a club. I hate to go clothes shopping. I'm not a big fan of crowds. I wear my hair longish now because it's actually faster to get ready that when it was cropped short.

That's what makes days like today so bizarre. I spent the entire day with my best friend getting dolled up. I hot rolled my hair, and it was an enormous cascade of red curls. We went and got manicures and pedicures - with my toes now painted a fiery blazing red. We dallied at the perfume counter. We shopped for hours - and I bought two unbelievably beautiful feminine pairs of heels from Nordstroms. I sported an incredibly intricate beaded necklace and we ended up tinkering with makeup for hours. We went out to a fantastic Mediterranean dinner, and then went for drinks - both in incredibly crowded and loud places, and at my insistence.

And what surprises me, I had a wonderful time. And I can't wait to do it again.

Your day breaks, your mind aches...

Sometimes the hardest part of the day is just getting out of bed. At times the prospect seems overwhelmingly difficult.

But I always do, eventually.

Easily Amused

Right after New Years, I did some intellectual property work for a documentary filmmaker who was doing a piece in the NYC area. I had nearly forgotten about it, until I reached over to get a file - and realized that the office staff had labeled it:

"M. Fucker."

I am so easily amused sometimes.

She dreams in color, she dreams in red...

(Not my normal stuff, I know. It’s for a writing project I’m contributing to. Feel free to skip it, it’s mostly rubbish.)

As the words poured forth my knees trembled with the realization that I had relinquished control over them. My lips formed around their heaviness as I waited with trepidation. Silence was deafening - the sound of my heart roaring in my ears, concentration impossible. My tongue slid them over my mouth - tasting the betrayal, savoring the forbidden undertones. Debating.

You can't speak in brackets.

At first it was just the faintest hint of a whisper. My heart stilled as I listened to them tumble softly over the precipice. Repeat it. Placating you. Again. Defiantly - louder and with more conviction - they reverberated against the quiet stillness, mingled with heavy breathing, filling the crevices left by your absence. They escaped before I had the ability to question their truth. Drawn to you as a moth to the flame - unaware of the impending certainty of demise. Passport in hand, the gentle realization of the finality of it all. The end looming before the beginning ever started.

The dawn of your morning, the dusk of your existence.

Everything that I've ever believed in, everything I've ever thought as truth - no actual Truth, as unquestionable reality was suddenly precarious. Threats of being brought before the inquisition and being deemed fraudulent. Branded as a heretic. My chest emblazoned with a crimson initial.

Your Spring, your Summer - Autumn and Winter.

Risks evaluated, dreams laid bare - the stretched canvases vulnerable to the salty spray of the sea. Inextricably entwined, circumstances and complexities be damned.

What would make you happy? Truly and completely happy?

The query surprised me, as I was suddenly doubtful. I don't know. I thought I did, before. Before, things were so much simpler. Sophomoric, perhaps. Comfortable. Assured. Predictable. You dared to question my belief in coincidences. Happiness teasingly - tantalizingly offered as tangible - accented and heavy with superfluous "u"s.

What would you say if ...

Hush. You’re drunk, and pandering dreams from miles away. I don’t believe you. I refuse to. Temptation to hear your voice overwhelming, crippling. I won’t fold.

The warmth of your breath against my neck as you sing me to sleep.

What would make me happy would be to have never spoken of it, to be able to simply erase the possibility... the doubt... the what ifs. To erase the very acknowledgement of existence. It never happened, not the way we remember it. I’ll deny that to the end.

To be your North, South, East and West.

Or, perhaps I'm telling stories and you shouldn't believe me. Perhaps I never have been capable of truth. Tribeca's not a cup of builder's tea.

Encircle me, draw me close to you.

Maybe I wanted to believe it was true. Not an anomaly. Not a random burst of a few seconds of brilliant sunshine on an overcast day. To trust that honeyed words spilled over transatlantic lines were viscerally honest. That the depth of your voice was not a manifestation of the guilt brought on by mendacity.

You wouldn't have to learn in a house upstate. We'd need the room...

To not be a token, an amusement, a fixated fantasy. To believe that the faintest hope for a future is worth taking risks for, to be believed in, trusted - to be the only.

Make the seconds meld into months, to years. Make it happen. Do it.

Sometimes I think that I've given up on myself. That I've forsaken what I believe in. That I've let go too soon and held on too long.

All of it - including the fuck ups.

Deep down, the answer is no. She said you’re a fucking coward. Cowardice assumes that something is wanted and you are crippled by fear. That's not the case. It's not fear that keeps you. Posh birds are not cheap, and don't deserve to be treated as such. A simple, firm refusal to be the idle fantasy that you resort to when all other distractions have bored you. I am not a convenience, a boost to the ego.

I nearly walked away from it all, just for a moment. Just for the chance. I think I would have.

Stitching together depth and touch with pictures before they've faded.

Autumn in New York.

I won't be washing the dishes, I'll be washing my hands.

To just be.

Self preservation. To believe, but in myself. A comfortable existence without regret. Absolution.

It could be different.

I hope.

Vacation memories

I was flipping through gorgeous Vanessa's pictures of her vacation (er, holiday I suppose to her) in the Cook Islands, and I had to admit that I was feeling a tinge jealous. What with all the cotton candy sunsets and the crystal waters, it's no wonder really...

And then I realized it's been nearly a year since I've gone on a real vacation. I'm trying to plan a getaway or two for the near future - likely a long weekend trip and another trip of around 8-12 days or so in the next three months or so. My sister turns 21 four days before I turn 27 in July, and I've promised her a trip to Europe for her birthday - a worldwide coming of age gift if you will, as she's never been. We'll likely end up in Ireland or Belgium I think for that, though who's to say we could end up back in Amsterdam as well, which would suit me just fine. Ultimately, the destination is her choice.

To be honest though, I'm a bit overwhelmed with options. So, tell me about your favorite vacation. I don't care if it's just somewhere that was close, and local (I'm a bit spontaneous and have been known to just get in the car and drive with no destination at all, and just "end up" somewhere for the night) or whether it was a far flung affair.

I'm not particularly keen on tourist traps, and prefer more off the beaten path destinations. I've a special fondness for old architecture, just being outside, local music and food festivals and quirky little shops and restaurants. Though, as jaded as I am, I have to admit that I could spend hours pouring through art museums and just idly driving watching the countryside.

This is what I want to know:

1. Where'd you go and when (i.e. how long ago, what time of year)?
2. What was your favorite part(s) of the trip?
3. What did you wish had been different?
4. What are the 'insider' or 'local' places that you loved?

Feel free to be as verbose as you want, and yap on about anything else that you remember that you'd like to share.

Or, if you'd prefer - tell me about where you live. What's it like where you are - what are the things that you enjoy close to home?

And a broken boot, to boot.

Damn it.

This morning I slipped on ice in the driveway and fell hard on my ass, just a little over a week after falling ass over teakettle down a flight of stairs. Grace, my name is not.

In the process of the fall, I didn't notice that I broke the heel of my favorite pair of boots, until I got to the office. I can walk on it, sort of, but it sounds like a creaky bedframe when I do. [I sound like this walking down the hall... creaaaaaaaaaak creeeak creaaaaaaaak creeeak....]

I've been violently sick all weekend, so I got up at 4:00 a.m. and went into work to wrap up some things I desperately needed to finish. But alas, my computer, she is dead. Or is playing possum, and I'm really not that happy with her right now. I'm techie enough to know how to run just some basic diagnostics, and the hardware is all fine... but the IT people this morning were like "have you tried..." Look, I'd try shaking a rubber chicken at it while chanting in a foreign tongue if it'd help. Apparently I tried things that they've not even contemplated, and they said I pretty much diagnosed the problem myself... the operating system is, in my rather terse explanation to them this morning "FUCKED." Bill Gates, you're on my shit list right now, as if you care.

Oh, and this weekend my home laptop decided it was having some impotence problems. The pin in the screen that holds it open decided that it was just too much effort to hold up the weight of my words and smashed my fingers to bits. Multiple times. I guess I'm not the forgiving sort, because instead of taking it to therapy to figure out what the hell it's problem is and why it can't keep it up - I got pissed and on a whim bought a new laptop that is being built as we speak. Er, as I type... whatever. Note: Don't screw with me, as you're easily replacable.

And I introduced myself to the neighbors this weekend ~ by uh, calling the cops on them, er animal control division at least. A man was out with an airgun shooting squirrels out of the tree, and while I realize they're rodents, dude - wtf? Is that *really* necessary? What's worse, is that he didn't finish them off and they were writhing in pain under the tree. I went over to give him a piece of my mind and he ran in to the house and refused to answer the door, pussy. If I was a gun toting member of society, I would have popped him in the knee a la Jack Bauer and watched him writhe for a bit. {I'm a frighteningly good shot too... and was the best marksperson in the corps in college}. I can't handle people that are cruel to animals like that.

Then, a few moments ago I checked the forecast:

Today
Rain...snow and light sleet likely in the morning...then rain...snow and sleet in the afternoon. Breezy. Snow and sleet accumulation up to 2 inches. Highs in the upper 30s. Temperatures steady or slowly falling in the afternoon. East winds 15 to 25 mph with gusts to around 45 mph. Chance of precipitation 100 percent.

Translation: Suck. Cold. Suck. (Sleeting like mad and hailing/ raining ice pellets now).

Tonight
Snow...breezy. Snow may be heavy at times in the evening. Snow accumulation of 3 to 6 inches. Storm total snow accumulation of 4 to 8 inches. Lows in the upper 20s. Northeast winds 15 to 25 mph. Chance of precipitation 100 percent.

Translation: Suck. Commute home will, well - suck. Snow. Suck. Sleet. Suck. Howling wind. Suck.

Tuesday
Cloudy. Chance of snow in the morning. Highs in the mid 30s. North winds 10 to 15 mph. Chance of precipitation 50 percent.

Tuesday Night
Partly cloudy. Colder. Lows around 18. North winds 5 to 10 mph.

Translation: More suckage. Plants you just put in will die a wintry frozen horrible death, if they've not already given up. Hahahahahahahaha. You thought Spring was here didn't you SUCKA!

Wednesday
Partly cloudy. Highs in the upper 30s. North winds 5 to 10 mph.

Wednesday Night
Cloudy with a 30 percent chance of more snow. Lows in the upper 20s.

Translation: Heh. Now Improved - with more Suck!

I hope my week doesn't match the forecast. Why again did I leave the sunny tropics?

Courage

I wish I had the courage at times to believe...
to look beyond complexity and see a plan,
to believe it's possible, to believe there's a solution...
to know, that somehow it's going to work out, for the best
the way fate intended.

{Yes, the consummate cynic is starting to believe in fate, in hope}

I just wish I could hurry things along in that regard.

I'm tired of waiting.

*sigh*

Blessings and Toasts for you all.

For St. Patrick's Day, a blessing for you all:

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
May the rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

And if you don't fancy that, these are some of my favorite Irish blessings and toasts. So, pick yours, and I'll raise a pint to you in honour.

#1
May the light always find you on a dreary day.
When you need to be home, may you find your way.
May you always have courage to take a chance
And never find frogs in your underpants.
--------------
#2
Here's to lying, stealing, and cheating!
May you lie to save a friend;
May you steal the heart of the one you love;
and may you cheat death.
---------------
#3
As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.

---------------
#4
May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow,
And may trouble avoid you wherever you go.

---------------
#5
Walls for the wind
And a roof for the rain,
And drinks beside the fire.
Laughter to cheer you
And those you love near you.
And all that your heart may desire.

---------------
#6
May the sound of happy music
And the lilt of Irish laughter
Fill your heart with gladness
That stays forever after.

---------------
#7
May the grass grow long on the road to hell for want of use.

---------------
#8
May you work like you don't need the money,
Love like you've never been hurt, and
Dance like no one is watching.

----------------
#9
May the cool rain quench your flowers' thirst
Renew your spirit,
And wash your troubles away.

---------------
#10
God bless the corners of this house and all the lintel blessed,
And bless the hearth and bless the board and bless each place of rest,
And bless each door that opens wide to strangers as to kin,
And bless each crystal window pane that lets the starlight in,
And bless the rooftree overhead and every sturdy wall.
The peace of man. The peace of God. With peace and love for all.

---------------
#11
Here's to you and here's to me
I pray that friends we'll always be,
But if by chance we disagree,
The hell with you and here's to me!

---------------
#12
May you be buried in a casket made from the wood of a 100 year old oak
That I shall plant tomorrow.

---------------
#13
May you live forever
And may the last words you hear be mine!

---------------
#14
May the hinges of our friendship
Never grow rusty.

--------------
#15
May the Irish hills caress you.
May her lakes and rivers bless you.
May the luck of the Irish enfold you.
May the blessings of Saint Patrick behold you.

----------------
#16
May those who love us love us.
And those that don't love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May he turn their ankles,
So we'll know them by their limping.

----------------
#17
May you live as long as you want,
And never want as long as you live.

----------------
#18
May you have warm words on a cold evening,
A full moon on a dark night,
And the road downhill all the way to your door.

---------------
#19
May there be a generation of children
On the children of your children.

---------------
#20
May the Lord keep you in His hand
And never close His fist too tight.

--------------
#21
May the saddest day of your future be no worse
Than the happiest day of your past.

--------------
#22
May there always be work for your hands to do,
May your purse always hold a coin or two.
May the sun always shine warm on your windowpane,
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you,
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

-------------
#23
May your troubles be less
And your blessings be more.
And nothing but happiness
Come through your door.

---------------
#24
May your home always be too small to hold all your friends.

---------------
#25
May the most you wish for
Be the least you get.

---------------
#26
May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light.
May good luck pursue you each morning and night.

---------------
#27
May you always walk in sunshine.
May you never want for more.
May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door.

---------------
#28
May I see you gray
And combing your grandchildren's hair.

--------------
#29
Wherever you go and whatever you do,
May the luck of the Irish be there with you.

--------------
#30
May you be poor in misfortune,
Rich in blessings,
Slow to make enemies,
And quick to make friends.
But rich or poor, quick or slow,
May you know nothing but happiness
From this day forward.


And remember,an Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep him from falling off the earth. And with raising that many pints, it's about what I'll be like I'm afraid.

And if you've got one that you'd prefer, leave it in the comments.

Ebb and Flow

I talked to Granny this last weekend for a long time, and it was just like it used to be. She laughed, asking about how the cats were adapting to the new house - her voice warm and full of love and happiness. She said she was scared of her upcoming visit to the neurologist, but that she was going to put on her brave face and be "your iron horse." She sounded young, and chipper... and the woman I remember. With the soft arms and enormous bosom that she would smother you with hugs with. She was again the fiery Irish redhead who took no lip from anyone... She was her, if only for a brief hour.

[When I was 12, and PaPaw passed away, it was just the two of us - and it was hard. Really really hard emotionally. Shortly after his funeral she took me aside and told me that I was going to have to be very strong, and that although I was still young I was going to have to try to be "a little tin soldier." She promised me that she would be an iron horse, carrying the brunt of it, and pulling me through. From that time on, when things were rough, my divorce, her multiple heart attacks, we always referred to each other that way.]

Now, it's official. She's been diagnosed with severe Alzheimer's and there is no turning back of the clock. The parts of her we've lost, the doctor said will never be recovered. They've juggled her plethora of medicines around, and she's now on Aricept to help to try to stop the progression of the disease. Things will ebb and flow, and there will be moments that are better - but overall, it's not good.

The doctor said it's bad. Really bad. Bad in the way that my last conversation with her may be the last one in which she's really coherent. The flashes of lucidity are becoming so much rarer. The long term memory is stronger, but short term - she's basically got no memory at all. I feel so enormously guilty because I let her off the phone when I pulled in the driveway. I could have had a few more minutes with her. Just a few more words. Just to tell her I loved her. I want her to remember that.

I called her today from the office, and asked her about her hospital visit yesterday. She had no idea what I was talking about. She asked about work, and about a few things, and then it was all jibberish.

I can't stop the torrent of tears. I can't stop the feeling of hopelessness, of feeling so awful that I used to be irritated when she wouldn't stop talking and I just wanted to get off the phone, that I didn't call when I say I would - or chose to go on vacation instead of visiting her.

I should have done a better job. I should have told her I loved her more, taken better care of her, been there for her.

She told me that she wants to come home, so she can die in peace.

I am so afraid. I feel so small. So helpless.

Be fruitful....

We bought 20 strawberry plants, 2 blueberry bushes and 2 blackberry bushes and planted them outside the back porch today - along with a zillion pansies and the daffodil, tulips, crocus and hyacinths that I took from our old house.

Our house is becoming our home, although I may never get the dirt out from under my nails.

Now, if we could just get a jump start on the "and multiply" part...

Thirty-six months ago, I started using Fertility Friend to track my charts. Three entire years ago. To think, I never got the "premier" membership, because I never thought I'd be sticking around long enough to use it.

What folly.

Lush-ious

First, a sweet and heartfelt thanks to Vanessa for the lovely Lush gift set that arrived on my door step, it is heavenly.

After my first lush bath, I have to say it's a good thing that there isn't a brick and mortar store close to me, because I would surely be bankrupt. Although, it's a little disconcerting that I got a shipment two days ago and when I threw the box out into the recycling bin behind the MG and the entire garage now smells like bath products. Not a bad thing necessarily, but it's STRONG. I used the Christmas Kisses bubble bar, and greedily used the entire thing. Sarah, I should have listened to you - as I was in bubbles up to my ears, quite literally. A candlelit bath with mounds of bubbles and a glass of wine was amazing though.

I made another order yesterday of an ungodly amount, and I am actually shocked to say that someone from Lush just called to tell me that they noticed I was a new customer and that they're going to throw in some additional samples with the order over and above what they would normally to introduce me to some more of the products. If that's not fantastic customer service I don't know what is.

---------- edited to add -------------

I've been asked to let you know what I've ordered and/or tried from Lush.

In the last *ahem* two weeks, these are the 32 items that I've ordered. Those things that I've already tried are commented on:

1. Butterball bath bomb
2. Something Wicked This Way Comes Bath Melt (no glitter) (at first I was just kinda meh - but it made me very soft - I used about half in the tub and was pleasantly surprised by the softness as the cocoa butter split up and melted. Once in the tub the scent was much better, the water turned a light shade of lavender.
   
3. Turbo Bubble bubble bar (sparkly. not so sure about the glitter... haven't used it yet)
   
4. Christmas Kisses bath bomb (2) (I ordered one and got another one of these in the Big Frees promotion, and again while I didn't like how strongly it smelled in the package, but in the tub it made a crazy amount of bubbles - i overflowed the tub with them. The water was a beautiful shade of red and the bathroom smelled heavenly for days.
   
5. Creamy Candy bath melt (smells well, like candy)
   
6. Bada Bing Bada Boom Shower Jelly (very strong, thought pleasant smelling, intrigued by the jello like appearance, haven't tried it yet)
   
7. Honey Trap Lip Balm (makes my usually chapped lips quite soft. Not so sure about the "tastes like white chocolate and honey" claims, but very happy with it)
8. Creamed Almond & Coconut Smoothie soap - (tried it for the first time this morning, not so sure how I feel about it yet. My skin is incredibly soft but I couldn't get it to lather up much).
   
9. Sleepy Head Scalp Bar (this massage bar had me out cold in ten minutes both times - two rather sleepy thumbs up)
10. Letters to Santa Bath Bomb (also from the Big Frees)
11. Christmas massage bar (also from the Big Frees) (this smells wonderful... absolutely heavenly - wish it was available all year)
    
12. Snowcake soap (also from the Big Frees) (pretty, not so sure about the glitter - but smells nice)
    
13. Flying Fox shower gel (fantastic scent, great lather - love it)
14. Dreamtime bath melt
    
15. Waving Not Drowning Bath Bomb
16. Freeze bath gel (en route)
    
17. Angels on Bare Skin (en route)
18. Fresh Farmacy soap (en route)
19. Buffy (en route)
20. Blue Skies bubble bar (en route)
21. Sympathy for the Skin lotion/cream (en route)
22. Big Blue bath bomb (en route)
23. Bathos bubble bar (en route)
24. Youki-hi bath bomb (en route)
25. Golden moon soap (en route)
26. Eggsnog lip balm (en route)
27. Snow Fairy shower gel (en route)
28. Nude bath melt (en route)
29. I love juicy shampoo (en route)
30. Lip Service lip balm (en route)
    
31. Hard Water shampoo bar (en route)

And, as an FYI - if you're about to purchase anything there, wait a few days. They're turning the Big Frees promotion into the Big Thaw, which means that more full size freebies will be comped with an order, but the details aren't posted yet.

Blissful Bathing

Thanks for all the wonderful ideas regarding the art situation. There are a lot of things I hadn't thought about - such as the framed textiles. I'll be taking "before" pictures later this week - and perhaps an "after" or two to show what we have done thus far. If nothing else, it'll give me the motivation to get off my ass and finish unpacking before the housecleaner comes on Friday.

Now, onto the next topic. See, you thought I'd drop off the face of the earth while not actively cycling didn't you?

Bathing... and bath & shower products.

For the last 2+ years (almost 3) we've been trying to conceive, I've basically shunned the occasional bath in favor of only showers. The reason being, when I take a bath - I like the water so hot that I come out of it scalded red. After being chastized by my old obgyn, I stopped taking baths because she claimed the elevated body temperature could potentially interfere with implantation. Ha! As if that was the problem...

After the move into the house, I decided to take a bath to ease some sore muscles, and oh - the bliss - the heaven... the wonderfulness of the hot water alleviating the pain radiating down my back. I stayed until my fingers pruned and I was pretty sure Michael was going to have to chisel me out because the water was so cold.

As I now have an enormous (well, to me anyway) amount of storage in my bathroom - I'm adding to my currently spartan bath/shower supplies. I used to be quite the maven when it came to bathroom supplies, but I purged a bunch of old stuff when we moved.

I'm going to buy a new shower head this week, because I just can't handle the wimpy water trickling right now. I have so much hair it takes a ridiculous amount of time to wash the shampoo out.

So, what are the bath/shower products that you swear by? For me, I love Benefit Bathina Sweet Satin Shave. It's in my opinion extravagantly priced for shaving cream, but it lasts forever as you only have to use a teensy little bit and makes my legs (and any other area that's shaved) heavenly soft. Cute packaging too. Their Body So Fine is also wonderful, and can be used to smooth errant tresses as well. The Sandal Scandal is fab for upkeep of pedicures between sessions, as is the Burt's Bees Coconut Foot Creme. I love the Burt's Bees Citrus Facial Scrub as an all over body exfoliator, but be careful, it's prone to mold if you accidentally get water in the container. I used to be an enormous fan of Philosophy's Falling in Love shower gel, but it's become a bit cloying for me. [Philosophy fans may want to check out the Power Shower program where you get 12 full-size bottles of 3 in 1 (shampoo, conditioner and body wash) shipped to you one a month with shipping for $165 - and available on the net only.] After just making my first large purchase from Lush, I'm afraid even I can't rationalize that just yet, and by "can't rationalize it" I mean I just bought the Good For You set - *ahem*

What are those that you use in your daily routine, and what are your "indulgences"? What did you spend money on that you wished you hadn't? I'm talking everything from shower gels, soaps, shampoos, bubbles, melts, bombs/fizzies, to shower heads and bath caddies... if you use it in the shower or bath and you love and or hate it, I want to hear about it. (Sarah, I know you have something to contribute here).

Awash in a sea of cardboard

There are more boxes prominently displayed in the downstairs portion of my house than in Cum Guzzling Sluts XVII. Not that I have seen such a flick mind you... but I'm sure it exists.

We are officially moved into our new home. And after the moving experience which can only be described as a disaster of epic proportions, it's sort of surreal. [Seriously, the move was horrible. The movers we hired were so exhausted by the time they got to our house, they could barely stand. They had done two full houses before us that day, so they were beat to shit - and Michael and I ended up helping them move furniture as they were so slowwwwwwwwwwwwww. They left our house at around 1 a.m. - and we were supposed to pick up the U-Haul at 10 the next morning. Only, U-Haul had given away the truck we reserved, so we ended up not being able to move the boxes until Monday after work.]

We ended up cleaning the old house out yesterday morning and still need to pick up the lawn mower from the old house (although why - I'm not sure - as the Homeowner's Association has a contract with a yard service, so our HA fees cover all yard work).

But for the most part, we're in. It feels bizarre after years of renting to be so extremely cautious about trying not to bang into walls with the furniture... about feeling so responsible.

The cats are dealing with the move a lot better than either of us expected, well aside from when they get lost, and just sit there and meow loudly for someone to come and find them.

I need to get a lot of art work for the walls, as they're incredibly bare right now - as our wall space basically tripled. We've got a few small pieces that we picked up in Paris and in Amsterdam that will fill in some bare spots. I'm trying to find our box of photographs - as there are a few of Michael's B&W 35mm shots that I'd love to get blown up and framed. I've bought a few watercolors from an artist in the last few weeks that I'm sending out for framing, and one my dearest friends is contributing a piece that I'm so excited about that I can hardly breathe.

I want our house to be warm and inviting. A place that feels lived in, and loved.

Unfortunately, with the looming tax bill from the IRS - and the fact that we need to buy new furniture for the second guest room - my budget for art is somewhere around next to nothing.

So, what are your creative ideas for art on the cheap, or at least at low cost? What items do you have on display in your home that are special to you, or that are conversation starters?

I'd love to hear your ideas...